The Backwoods

Where we teeter between our love of modern convenience and the yearning for something long past; a world where neighbors knew your name and a “Friend Request” was eye contact and a smile.

Adoption Pending

Posted · 5 Comments

He came to us in the summer, four years ago with a chip on his shoulder, a mouth with no filter, and a yearning for something solid.  Just six years old, he’d seen things…oh yes, he’d seen some things.

The parents’ rights have been terminated.  The threat of reunification is long past and his memories are beginning to fade.  Visitations stopped long ago, thank God.  Oh, the confusion that must cause in the child who so desperately wants the parents in that little room to be just like the ones waiting in the car.

We’ll sign the papers, he’ll be our son and nobody will ever tell him he can’t call us mom and dad again.   A new name.  An altered birth certificate.  His history…on paper, if not in the dark corners of his mind…will be erased.  We’ll be expected, in some ways, to forget who he was.

But he won’t forget. He’ll idealize the good times and try to block out the bad.  He’ll seek their faces in grocery stores. He’ll secretly pray for them at night after I tuck him into bed and read him a story. He’ll think of them on his birthdays and holidays and at his graduation.

He’ll be raised with love and morals, and with a healthy family. We’ll adore him…we’ll call him son…and he’ll love us like crazy.

And he’ll always wish we were them.

 
 
5 Responses to "Adoption Pending"
  1. Wendy L. Riddle-Henderson says:

    Keri, I know that you do not know this, but I was adopted at the age of 6. My bio parents were drug addicts, alcoholics and she prostituted herself for their habits. The abuse that I endured was severe on every level and I will not go into that. But I will tell you this, there will come a time when the memories will fade, and he will not wish that you were them. He will obtain enough emotional maturity to understand that feelings are a choice and he will begin to exercise that choice. Trust me on this. He will be so glad that it is you and not them! 🙂

    • Wow, Wendy, thanks so much for sharing that! So far my kids are secure in their understandings of their parents faults. You just hear stories…you know…where the children grow up and forget all that happened because they so desperately want their bio parents to be good…and they will risk much to make it happen. Once I asked a teen girl I had, “Why do you keep going to see your parents if they make you so mad..? and she said,”Because I’m hoping that some day i will get there and they will be normal.
      Keri

  2. Peg says:

    Oh sweet Lord……….crying right now. I’m the mom of 10 adopted ranging in age from 6-38. You are so correct. I wish more adoptive parents understood & gave their children permission to love both. God bless you for putting it into words.

  3. Najia says:

    I needed to read this and remember that it is OK. Thank you. 

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