The Backwoods

Where we teeter between our love of modern convenience and the yearning for something long past; a world where neighbors knew your name and a “Friend Request” was eye contact and a smile.

Behind Closed Doors

Posted · 21 Comments

It’s a sad, sick, twisted world when you have to have your children tested for sexually transmitted diseases…because they come from a place where it’s not only accepted, but considered “just part of their lives” to be sexually abused by family members…strangers…most everyone they have ever come into contact with.

And it’s even sadder when a child still thinks those people love them.

I don’t talk about this subject much, because, frankly…my kids deserve SOME privacy in this blogging world into which I have plunged them.  Their histories, for the most part, are their own and while it may seem to some of my readers that I share too much, believe me…you don’t know the half of it.

There is a whole other world beyond what is seen from outside my front door, in which nightmares and dark memories are considered normal.  Door locks, lights out, and bedtime take on a whole new meaning for a child who is terrified of what will happen when that door closes.

So this week one of my children will extend an arm, allow blood to be sucked from an already abused body, so we can find out what we’re dealing with.  And then that child will move forward with all the strength of a person who has lived a life in survival mode.  Because what other choice is there?

21 Responses to "Behind Closed Doors"
  1. Miscellaneous says:

    Having been in a situation as a teenager where I was being abused by a “family friend” and could not tell anyone due to the threats placed upon my family’s lives and my own, I understand your children’s fears. They have someone they can talk to which is amazing in and of itself because you don’t judge them or think they did something to deserve it. You go on loving them like a Mommy does and that is what makes you amazing.  You see through the scars,mental and physical, the pain and fears and oceans of shed tears. You Ma’am,deserve to be awarded anything you ever need for those kids. 

  2. Slhamm82 says:

    People need to share these things with others. It’s all to easy to not think about these things, to push them aside, pretend they aren’t happening everyday and that’s partly why it still happens, everyday. Awareness can do so much.

  3. Marcia Bohn says:

    Love your blog.  I too adopted.  We adopted 2 kids (one boy 6 1/2 and a girl 3)  when they were newborns.  It is so awesome to know you have helped make a child’s life better.  Tears flowing down my cheeks right now for your kids.  Prayers going up for them, also.  They are lucky to have you.

  4. April Storm says:

    No child should have to endure this type of pain and fear.  So sorry to hear this.

  5. Julie says:

    You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.  

  6. Eleni Drinks Tea says:

    My God that’s horrifying!  Wishing you all the best x x

  7. Anita says:

    this is heart-breaking – absolutely heart-breaking….. 

  8. Diana says:

    I’m a fellow trauma mama delurking.  Just wanted to say I love your blog!  

    As for this post, I wish I could say I don’t have a clue what your talking about.  I wish I could tell you there’s nothing to worry about.  But I can’t.  So I’ll say instead that you’re not alone, I so get the heartache, fear, and grief that comes on so many levels with this.  May you be blessed to find answers and appropriate treatments.

  9. Rivers3lady says:

    I am at a loss for words…  Thank GOD they have you in their life…!!

  10. Nancy says:

    Prayers is all I have to offer..

  11. annonymous says:

    It is with you for a lifetime, bet on it.  And knowing that you carry these memories along with the knowledge of shared blood and related history ingrains the people involved as part of your sense of self.  I have grappled with such for over 50 years, trying to make sense of such, searching for good, clean, decent moments, knowing that my existence depended on someone who would cross these lines.

  12. Kkoschke says:

    How wonderful that they now can know it is safe to go to sleep.  What a wonderful world it would be if every child could know this.

  13. carolinachrissy (in Germany) says:

    My hope is that the tenderness and caring you show them will somehow restore some of their trust in humanity.  The evil that was perpetrated upon those innocents is of the lowest acts a human can commit upon their own.  I hope your children find strength and grace in your loving family and find a way to let the pain of yesterday fall away like an autumn’s leaf drop.  It’s a necessary part of them becoming more than “just a victim”. 

    I’m so sorry that they had to endure any abuse at all, but I pray to God that they will tap into their reservoir of resilience and find ways to banish the beastly memories and ocean of mistrust that they endured.

    Please, please tell them that they are respected by us, your online friends for their ability to be survivors.  I have avoided the word “love” because I expect that that word has many confusing meaning for a sexually abused victim, so I want to convey my admiration to them for letting you peak in to their terrors in an attempt to ease their minds and hearts.  Thank you for allowing me a forum to tell them how proud I am of them and how truly sorry I am that they have suffered unimaginable abuse by those who were supposed to love and protect them…I am truly sorry for their pain and for all of your family’s, as well!  🙁

  14. Feemama says:

    How you are NOT typing this from prison for killing someone is beyond me.  I am an adult sexual abuse and incest survivor.  The thought of someone touching my children makes me murderous.  Reading this makes me wanna kill FOR you.  I’m sorry for everyone.  The monster that did this will never get what it deserves.

  15. Moriah says:

    It’s heart breaking.. I’m
    20 years old still dealing with things from when I was 15.. and thingslike that, they don’t go away.. But society tells you to just get over it.. I’ve heard politicians just say relax and enjoy it. No one will ever ever I don’t care how close you are to the victim. No one will ever fully understand until it happens to them.. And no, fyrerose.. There is still no one out there for them.. I know this personally. SMS its horrible..

  16. Maid_marian says:

    How can I say how much I hope and wish for good news.  How I recognize the moment of deep inhalation when you steel yourself for one more harsh possibility.   Words fail me.  My heart is with you.

  17. LSF says:

    Thankfully, they have you!  

  18. islandgirl says:

    Heartbreaking. Thank you for not shrinking away from this topic.  And thank God your kids have you.

  19. Fyrerose says:

    Some time the “very best” of homes have problems that are never brought to light; and years later as adults you find you are still dealing with things that happened “behind closed doors.”
    The good part is that in this day and age there is someone there for those children; when I was a child there was no one there.  Most adults would have gone straight to the parent that was abusing and told them the “stories” I was telling; that parent would have told them that I was a liar and I would have been able to “look forward” to being punished for lying to other adults.
    You being there for them is more important for their future than you can ever imagine.

  20. ValerieB says:

    This just kills me. No child should EVER have to suffer that kind of hell. And even when they escape it to a loving home like yours, they still have to deal with the aftermath. Thank God they have you and each other. I’m praying for God’s blessings on you and your family.

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