The Backwoods

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Things Anthony Says

Posted · 24 Comments

When Anthony came to us he was six years old.  That very first day we knew we were in for a challenge.  But we also knew we were in for quite the vocabulary treat.  I’d had him for about six hours when I handed him a cup of soda and he said, “Oh…it just aerated up my nose!”

Since then I’ve been keeping track of the best ones.

These are 100% true and accurate…


Anthony: “It’s a good thing they make antidotes for people who are allergic so they don’t swell up and pop.”

Me: “People don’t pop.”

Anthony: “Well NOW they don’t…cause they have antidotes!”


Anthony:“Every boy has the dilemma of what they are going to do when they grow up. I might be an astronaut. You can come to my launches.”


Anthony: “I have a stuffed moose, but he’s a civilized moose.”

Me: “Civilized?”

Anthony: “He has clothes on.”


Anthony: “By the time I move out you’ll have to tell me where my medicine comes from. In case I need some.”


Anthony: “Mom, I couldn’t reach the top, but 3/4 of the bathroom mirror looks brand new.”


Anthony:  Palientologist is a really good job to get. Too bad tarantulas are where the best digs are.”


Anthony: “Mom, I just got a joke in my head that you could probably publish. What do you get when you cross a door and a dinosaur? A Rap-door.” (get it, Raptor…)


Anthony: “Mya, you are the kind of person who ends up in jail.”


Anthony: “I don’t like Nermal.” (the cat)

Me: “Why?”

Anthony: “Let’s just say if there were a hissing contest for cats, annually, Nermal would have so many first place prizes and trophy’s.”


Anthony: “It’s a good thing you weren’t in the dinosaur dig at the bottom of South America in 1997.”


Anthony: “Mom, I made a chart for me to earn a knife. You can fill it in every day. A not filled in circle is “you’re almost there”, a dot is for “you’re doing good” and an X is for “you’re hanging off the edge…”


Anthony: “You should know, there was a warning label on my lamp that warned you must fully insert the plug or there is a danger of electric shock.”  (he probably reads the label on the mattress also. haha)


Me: “Anthony, what are you doing in the chicken pen?” (he’d been sitting in one spot for an hour)

Anthony: “Earning their trust.”


Anthony: “A poem just popped into my head when I was going to bed.” (hands me a paper)

“The battle begins with terror of scream

There is no hope

The age of men is gone.”


Anthony: “Mom, did you know that every millisecond one of your cells is dying. So every minute you are getting older and older, and weaker and weaker…and slowly dying.”

Me: “Well, good morning to you too!”


Anthony: “Either my eyes failed me or I saw something walking in the clouds. It kind of looked like someone from the Egyptian times, walking in pain. Going across the sky. It kind of freaked me out.”


Anthony: “I rubbed my eyes and saw all these sparkles like a galaxy…the milky way perhaps…and then I saw a golden path and someone said, ‘Come to me’…and now my eyes aren’t messed up like they used to be. Oh, and I think I have a spider bite in my nose.”


Anthony: “Mom., you know how plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen? Well, they should put plants inside a scuba tank to make more oxygen. You’d never run out. Maybe a whole rose bush.”


Me: “Anthony, did you finish your tree fort?”

Anthony: “No, but I made an ‘Employees Only’ sign for it.

Me: “Do you have any employees?”

Anthony: “No, but I’m gonna need help building it so I got my sign ready.”


Anthony: “If I work out till Halloween you can just put a belt on me and call me a champion.”


Anthony: “In school I sit by a ‘careful cutter’…you know those people who cut very carefully. So now I’ve made a habit of cutting straight lines.”


Anthony: “If I ever become president I’m going to ban smoking because 80% of the worlds litter is cigarette butts. Plus it kills lots of innocent people. It’s called second-hand smoke.”


Anthony: “Were supposed to write a sentence with at least two spelling words in it.  I wrote a sentence with 9 out of 18 spelling words in it!  I bet I get extra credit.”


Me: “Can you put your pajamas on?”

Anthony: “Yes, but I’m keeping my holster on, just in case…”


Anthony: “To resume the question we were discussing earlier….”

(What nine year old talks like that?)


Anthony: “Mom, I want to see how fast you can do this in your head…..”

Me: “I’m not going to be suckered into answering your homework!”

Anthony: “Darn it!”


Anthony: “Imagine what life would be like if George Washington had accepted the crown he was offered…”


Anthony: “I’m going to be a part-time chiropractor when I grow up.”

Me: “What are you going to be full time?”

Anthony: “A farmer. Have you seen how big their houses are? They make money.”


Anthony: “I have a plan for tomorrow. Instead of listening to what other people say that’s not educational, I’ll listen to my teacher. I’m going to stop being a jokester. I’ll probably have a perfect day.”


Me: “I really like your drawing…but your cat is crooked.”

Anthony: “It’s supposed to be…his life is off-balance.”


Anthony: “I’ve noticed something about my class. There are all kinds of people in there. There are people who stay focused all the time…and people who get in trouble…and I’m not going to say who…but there are some people who never really get their work done at all.”

(says the boy who just spent two days of class doing absolute…ly nothing…haha)


Anthony: “How many credits do I need to graduate from highschool?”

Me: “You’re in 4th grade….”

Anthony: “I’m planning ahead.”


While studying maps, longitude, etc…Anthony turns to another student and says:

“Don’t take that latitude with me!”


Anthony: “I have an idea to stop extinction…….why don’t they just find a male and a female of the lost amphibians and mate them…then send them back into the wild? Also, have you ever noticed that all the continents end in a vowel? They all have an “a” except Europe.”


Anthony: “Mom, did you know that Mars is the only planet that if you went to it you wouldn’t be crushed or burnt.”


Anthony: “Mom, for my birthday can you get me a quill pen and some ink?”


Me: “So, Anthony, what girl do you like in your class?”

Anthony: “Well, Chelsea is my book swap buddy…Sabrina is my laughing partner…but Olivia…she is my everything.”


Anthony: “I’ve written my very first song for my trumpet.  I’ve called it Small and Drafty”.

Me: “Why?”

Anthony: “Because it’s small and I drafted it.”


Anthony: “Mom, did you know a polar bear can go half a year without food? I know Billy couldn’t do that.”


Anthony: “Mom, for ‘Rockstar Day’ at school I’m going to tape a nickel to my shirt.”

Me: “Why?”

Anthony: “Nickelback.”


Anthony: “Mya can’t have gluten because it destroys the fingers in her intestines that help her digest food.”

Steven: “Huh?”

Anthony: “Nevermind…She can’t eat that granola bar.”


Steven: “How does the rooster fertilize the egg?”

Luke: “He sits on the eggs.”

Anthony: “And that’s all you need to know…”


Anthony: “I feel like I just jumped into Apollos sun chariot.”

Me: What?”

Anthony: “I’m hot.”


Me: “Anthony, I’m glad you are willing to work for your money instead of just ask.”

Anthony: “Mom, that’s why the government is in trouble…loans.”

(Seriously…and we don’t even talk politics here)


Anthony to Luke: “I’m being a loyalist in the debate.  That is someone who was in Great Britain and agrees with their taxes and laws.  You’ll learn about it in the fourth grade.”  (he lost Luke at “I’m”)


Me: “Anthony, we should have called you Ritchy, cause Ritchy Riley is cute.”

Anthony: “I don’t really want to be cute…per sey…and besides, I don’t want to be an alliteration.  You know..R…R…it’s an alliteration.”

24 Responses to "Things Anthony Says"
  1. Cindy says:

    Oh my God, these are fabulous! We have a 6 year old like that and keep saying we need to write this stuff down so we don’t forget it! Do you just carry a notebook with you? He clearly will do something brilliant in his life!

  2. Aurelia Leroux says:

    He’s brilliant!  If he already knows about Greek myths and British loyalists and alliteration and paleontology and Egyptians at his age… then he could learn anything.  He could become an engineer, a college professor, an astronaut– whatever he wants!

  3. Stew1113 says:

    He is awesome! Im glad you are documenting the great things he says! That is some great comedic relief!

  4. Chelsie says:

    Omigosh! What a character!!
    Please keep writing those down! You could publish a book, eventually or at the very least give them to him when he’s grown hehe 😉
    Love it!!

  5. Meganhoberman says:

    Those are all so sweet and funny and some are just puzzling. Thank you for sharing them.

  6. Kendrajwade says:

    this kid is incredible and brilliant! And hilarious! 

  7. Kkoschke says:

    How fun to have an Anthony in the house.  I’m sure he has no idea how cute and funny he is.

  8. Sue Blakeman says:

    I love his mind and his spirit. I think the cat’s life being “off-balance” is my favorite. No, wait “per-sey.” Oh, “Apollo’s chariot.” “To resume the discussion we were having earlier” beats ALL! You must always blog, because I want to ‘know’ Anthony for years to come.

  9. Pam says:

    what a gift!

  10. Kristy K. James says:

    Is Mya a sister?  Whoever she is, I have to say I hope she doesn’t wind up in jail.  I also have to say if he’s this intelligent at nine, you’re probably going to be in for a whole lot of fun when he’s sixteen!  What a great kid! 

  11. Lks says:

    Amazing.  I think about this kid all the time and the things he says.  Is he the mini me for Billie Crystal?  So smart and funny – and does he have comedic timing, or is that your writing.  Maybe you are a comedy team?  I am sure you will write a book together before he is out of school,..,and you bet your boots I will be reading it!

  12. Denise says:

    this post was great. sounds like he is a smart boy and has a bright future ahead of him!

  13. bethhoward32 says:

    This made me cry:

    Me: “Anthony, what are you doing in the chicken pen?” (he’d been sitting in one spot for an hour)
    Anthony: “Earning their trust.”Otherwise… that kid is really something else. <3

  14. Larissa says:

    “And that’s all you need to know …”


  15. Cryllie says:

    what an awesome boy!  I’m thinking…lawyer?

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