The Backwoods

Where we teeter between our love of modern convenience and the yearning for something long past; a world where neighbors knew your name and a “Friend Request” was eye contact and a smile.

This Blog Is Not Real

Posted · 33 Comments

Last night a young lady with a history much like my children’s wrote me a message and asked for advice.  But before she asked, she spent several paragraphs telling me why she wasn’t worthy of my time.  “…as if reading your blog somehow makes me worthy of placing myself in your life,” she said.

As if my time, my attention, my compassion was something of value and she…was not.

I can string words together in a way that is appealing to some, and I can make people laugh or cry… but that does not make me any more important than she.  It does not make me special.  It doesn’t make me somehow more worthy than  anyone else.  Nor does it make me any less in need of help, attention, or advice.

Because this blog is not ‘real’.  The internet is not ‘real’.  These are just words I put out there, only part of the whole, a fraction of what or who I am.  It is, in some aspect a persona created by me…not really ‘me’ at all…

It doesn’t make me anything, really.  Just someone who writes things down. And just like Tom Cruise, or that guy who stands on the street corner, my tummy rumbles when I eat Mexican food.  Because when it comes down to it…we are all exactly the same.

My everyday life is real.  My soft cheeks, my waistline, and dirt under my fingernails…those things are real.  Fights with my husband; saying things to my children I can’t take back; having a baby at sixteen and never really outgrowing the stigma; and raising other people’s damaged children and wishing I wasn’t needed.  Real is the arthritis that plagues my fingers as I type; the pain in my children’s soul when they open their memories to past abuse; watching my parents grow old and knowing I am doing the same; the fat cat that sleeps by my feet as I write.

All real.

Wondering if my children are more messed up than when they came; my spare bank account; crooked teeth; occasional deep down self-loathing; and the painful words of this girl who has never met me, whose history haunts her to the point that she writes to me…a stranger she hopes has some answers.

Those things are real.  And sometimes I come on here and write when my mouth can’t find the words and somehow my fingers can. And I write, and people say, “Oh, I love your honesty…” and I think, “Oh, if you only  knew the mess I am inside…”

Being able to write it all down is just a skill I possess, like some can swing a baseball bat, sing, knit a scarf or multiply without a calculator.  Having writing skills doesn’t make me special and it certainly doesn’t entitle me to deem my time more worthy than this strangers needs.

And because deep down we all suffer the same insecurities,  when this girl came to me, with her beautifully written words of pain and struggle, telling me she is not worthy of my time…my first thought was,

“But, honey…what makes you think I am worthy of YOURS?”

 
 
33 Responses to "This Blog Is Not Real"
  1. Lois Tefft says:

    Beautiful

  2. Need2pray says:

    crying 🙂 I love you and you will always be my hero whether you feel you deserve it or not 🙂 Love you Cousin

  3. countrygalbelieves says:

    You are an inspiration to so many and I think because you are so real is why you are! You say things we are afraid to or cannot and we relate to so much of what you have gone through…. I hope you are healing well and KEEP WRITING… !!!!!!

  4. C. Anderson says:

    you are a gift!

  5. Shirley says:

    God has given you the beautiful gift you have. HE is the one who is “worthy”. I admire you even more for not letting us worship you, but letting us know just how human you really are.

  6. Don’t sell yourself short, lady. 🙂 You’re human, and we get that. You’re also doing something that a lot of us wish we could do, but just haven’t got the courage/strength/stamina/support/whatever to take on. So, yeah, we know you face your own trials, but you’re pretty amazing. Thanks for your example!

  7. TheAtomicMom says:

    It’s like that meme I see pop up on the interent every day, ‘Don’t compare your blooper reel to everyone’s highlight reel.”

  8. Dawn Benton Adams says:

    I don’t think I could have said it any better. I was one of those disturbed kids back in a day where disturbed kids were just considered bad kids. If only they knew the abuse that caused it! I felt so bad about myself that I would not go into a public place alone. I would peek out my window to be sure no one was out there that could see me…for I was sure the ugliness inside me could be seen by all. I finally stepped up and got some help at the age of 35. And you know what I found out? We’re all damaged in some way. There is no perfect life. Everyone, even me and you, is lovable. And you know what else? It took everything I ever went through to make me who I am today.

  9. Pam says:

    Keri, you hit the nail with this for so many of every age. And from what little I know of you in person and on the blog….yep this is pretty ‘real’ for our time and space. Can’t help but love what little time I’ve spent with you and looking forward to more.

  10. Lara Rogers-Mcginnis says:

    And that is why I love you…. Since I know the “real” you, i feel free to say that..

  11. Anja says:

    What a beautiful post!

  12. Leah Clairmont says:

    This is a myth that we are all taught from birth, that one soul is more or less worthy than another. Comparing milestones starts at birth, with weight and length, and continues to death. In school if you are “good” at something you are better than the “troubled” kid in the principles office. Having a talent in a particular sport gives you the right to treat others as if they were less. There are a million examples of how our fallen world makes what is wrong seem right. The truth of it is that every soul is equal and the people who can see the truth in that are the blessed ones. In all honesty I have been just as guilty of casting judgement where I should not. The parents who cannot get past their own brokenness long enough to see that they are creating more broken people for this world to care for have received their share of my “superiority” complex. Does God’s heart break more for the broken adults or the broken children? I doubt it. But for some reason we all buy into it. The thought of attending a high school reunion (I was a huge “loser”) makes me want to panic. Going to a function where there is going to be a doctor or lawyer and I am “just” a mom in Walmart duds…There is no particular wisdom in this comment, just a rambling thought process and a heart broken for a girl who has been a victim, who feels like she is less… Less than what, less than who? Certainly not me

  13. Brianna says:

    Thank you for sharing this, it’s real and wonderful. I found you via Delightfully Tacky and your words ring so very true for me. I look forward to reading more on your blog.

  14. Laura H says:

    I went to a codependency treatment center in 1992 because of an abusive childhood with a severely mentally ill mother and drug-addict father. As a 30 year old at this treatment center, I found out, “YOU ARE IMPORTANT.” Everyone is. As an almost 50 year old, I still have to relearn that lesson from time-to-time.

    By the way, your photo on this post is beautiful in all ways, especially seeing your soulful eyes. Thanks for sharing your stories and truths with the cyber world. Thanks for rescuing so many wonderful children.

  15. Jessica Corcoran says:

    You definitely have a gift – but it isn’t writing (at least not only writing) – its wisdom – its insight – its compassion & so many more. It’s not your storytelling that amazes us – it’s your soul.

  16. Megan says:

    Well said!

  17. Valerie B says:

    Your “imperfection” is what makes you so accessible to the rest of us. You ARE us. And it shows us that we can be good moms and still have our flaws. I love your blog for the humor, the cool pics of Alaska, but mostly for the way you tell it like it is, warts and all! I truly believe God is using you to touch the lives of others. Keep up the good work!

  18. Karen says:

    You have a gift and you touch so many people with your blog with your honesty and sharing your pain and humor. And apparently you touched her life. Keep it up ! I look forward to reading and you connect with so many of us with your gift ! You are worthy 🙂

  19. laura says:

    The connection that some of us feel to your words, your daily life through this blog are real 😉 Isn’t life all about connecting with others in some beautiful, loving way?? 🙂 You have the gift of doing that through words. Sometimes all one needs is that one person who believes they are worthy of our time… That one person who believes in them. It makes everything more worthwhile. Women can do that for each other. We can support and encourage in the most beautiful ways. It is true though. We all want answers to life’s toughest questions. And the reality is that we all have our own tough questions! I hope she finds her answers and finds the support she needs through girlfriends who can lift her up and hold her tight. I truly believe we all have a God shaped hole that can only be filled with one thing. And that one thing has made the questions that I have so miniscule compared to what I am here for. Is hope real? But we can fill our lives with sharing hpe,and love with each other and it feels very real and very necessary to moving on… And living this very real life.

  20. Mickel says:

    I read quite often of your escapades and challenges with your kids and your life and I want to tell you that you are worthy. And to this young lady that wrote to you, she too is worthy. There are very few people in this world that aren’t worthy of another persons time and if we could all just realize this our world would be a much better place. I’m so glad she felt comfortable enough with you to reach out. I hope that you find the strength needed to help her find some answers she is looking for. God Bless you both.

  21. Lynersify says:

    I am not one to easily tear up, especially not at written words, but this brought a true tear to my eye. Beautiful.

  22. Rachel Toney says:

    That last line will haunt me. Thank you!

  23. karla from colorado says:

    Aw, I am crying for that girl!
    And you, you are so real, just like all of us who read your words are real and have insecurities and secret inner voices that tell us we’re not doing it right, or we’re not really good enough for ____(fill in your own demons). You and she are worthy of all good things, worthy to be children of God together. My prayers go up for her, and I give thanks for your wisdom and compassion, however flawed – we are all flawed and still worthy!
    Love, Karla

  24. lyn cederholm says:

    Love that! Thanks for being one of us. 🙂

  25. Rachel says:

    Love this.

  26. Chantelle Pence says:

    Nice!

  27. Jontai Rudnick says:

    Um btw I was trying to add a star and it lagged on my end and ended up – stars im sorry >.>’

  28. Jontai Rudnick says:

    Truly and honestly this was beautiful. If only more people can understand what you have said here the world would be a better place on so many levels.

    Could you see that that girl gets this for me?

    To whomever the stranger gal is I say this, Hun I may never have been a foster child or anything but there have been things in my life I can never undo. I have days where everything sucks so bad I have had thoughts of things that should never be thought of. But I keep trucking. Want to know how? I am MY person. I am ME. I run my life. Memories will always hurt darling. But there are people there that care so much… even complete strangers. Things I have had done to me are memories that are just as painful now as when they happened. But you have a life, only one, live it to YOUR full potential and be happy. Seek help when you are having problems. Feel free to look me up on Facebook, my name is Jontai Rudnick. I would be more than happy to hear you out and help where I can. And Girlfriend, no matter what, no matter how you feel. someone always loves you. <3<3<3<3

  29. Andrea says:

    Beautiful.

  30. Kim Turner says:

    Thank you! I needed that reminder.

  31. Pam in Elk Grove, California says:

    Thank you, somehow you see into my soul and life too. We are all worthy and we are all important. Thank you for your gift.

  32. Jamie says:

    Beautiful!

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