This morning I popped Anthony on the butt. I don’t normally spank my kids…gave it up years ago when I started fostering simply because it seemed unfair to spank one kid, and not the other, when they both did the same thing wrong.
So I spanked Anthony, one solid whack to the backside. Which is fine. It was probably long overdue…he was getting a bit too big for his britches. The problem is…I spanked him because he lost his temper.
He lashed out at another boy, screaming in frustration, and lost control. And in turn, I hit him. Makes sense…right?
“Don’t hit,” I say. Whack. Way to lead by example…
I’ve never really given much thought to spanking, one way or another. I was raised with very little corporal punishment. My mother would freak on us once in a while and chase my brother around with a yardstick. He was faster, so not sure it did any good. My dad spanked me a few times, I remember. Very controlled. “Bend over my knee…” was a sentence you never wanted to hear. But it was never in anger and always well deserved.
So when I had kids of my own I followed in my folks footsteps…and chased my kids around with a yardstick. No, actually, my spankings have always been more of an impulsive whack than a planned out and thoughtful act. I rarely have said, “Come here so I can spank you.” It was always more of a “Get (whack)…Your (whack)…Butt(whack) into the bathroom and brush your teeth!” when a kid was out of control. It was my way, I suppose, of gaining control. Of having the upper hand, so to speak. When all else fails, beat them into submission.
Clearly there is a difference between beating and spanking. Ask my kids. Some of them have experienced both. (not by me…please don’t call 911)
But when I think about it…about my history as a parent…I feel like since I was forced to give up spanking in order to foster parent, it seems like I’ve had to become more creative as a parent. Without the threat of a spanking to fall back on, it’s difficult at times to come up with a form of coercion to get a child to do something they don’t want to do.
The fact is, without spanking, I’ve had to actually become more skilled. Smarter. A better parent all round.
Because when you think about it telling a kid not to hit, by hitting them, is kind of like walking them into a grocery store and stuffing a pound of hamburger into your jacket…and then telling the kid not to ever do it.
Somehow, the “do as I say, not as I do” theory has never really worked. Because our children are paying attention…emulating us…whether we want them to or not.
