Tomorrow afternoon our son…will become our son. Legally, at least, though he’s been ours for four years. I’m going to share a few words from a pre-adopt interview. Not to impede on his privacy, but because sometimes we forget that a child has a voice…if only we’d listen.
When asked about his birth family:
“I realize what they had done to me. They hurt me. I have a picture of them in my mind. I don’t want a picture. I have bad memories and I don’t want them. I can’t tell if he loved us at all. He had a problem with anger. What they did to me is not right. I have a bond with them…it’s a bond of not liking them. A kind of enemy bond. I have a reason to dislike them. They don’t deserve me. Not a chance.”
When asked about his new family:
“They are doing this right. I don’t get hit. I want to stay. They love me. You can tell how they act. They hug me goodnight. They say I love you. I’m not nervous about staying here. I don’t get glares like I’m not wanted. I don’t get hit…you should never hit a child. It feels safe to talk. They want me to feel happy. They make sure I’m where I need to be to feel good about myself. My new dad talks about protecting us…It means trust. They would save me. They would keep me from dangerous things. Family is a big bond.”
When describing a BAD family:
“Hitting. Running away. Harming the children. Not caring for me. Saying bad things. Not getting kids the things they need.”
When describing a GOOD family:
“Loving you. Caring for you. Watching out for the kids. Defending the kids. Get them things they need like food. Doing things together. Good to me. Talk to me. Teaching the kids. Being a good influence. Being there for you.”
I’m sharing this because I want us all to take note. He didn’t mention: Toys. Video Games. Vacation. Gifts. Or Money
.As we raise our children in this materialistic world, we often forget the difference between what they need…and what we think they need. Because when it comes down to it, even the child knows that he needs to feel safe…and he needs to feel loved. And that’s just about all that really matters.
