House Rules
1. If it’s not yours…don’t touch it.
2. Remove your shoes at the door. Not directly in front of the door…off to the side.
3. If the bathroom door is locked, knocking repeatedly will not make it open any faster.
4. Do not use “fair” to describe what something is not. It is the original “F” word.
5. Balled socks do not come clean…unball them or wear them dirty.
6. If you get too much toothpaste, do not try to shove it back in the tube.
7. Keep your private parts well hidden at all times…and apply rule number one.
8. If the dog’s water dish is empty, fill it. Or let’s see how long you can go without water.
9. Three drops of milk does not justify returning it to the fridge.
10. If you ask for seconds, you eat every bite.
11. Pretend the rim of the toilet will electrocute you if it gets wet.
12. Wipe every single time.
13. Wearing clothes to the mirror and back does not get them dirty.
14. Food and shelter are required of me. Everything else is a privilege and can be revoked.
15. I don’t care what everyone else gets to do. Whine about it and I’ll throw you off that bridge myself.
16. Money in the dryer is always mine.
17. Touch the thermostat and see what happens…
18. Loaning you something once does not make it yours.
19. Clean underwear at just that…clean. Sorting them with two fingers is not necessary.
20. Slam your door and I will remove it.
21. “Bedtime” means the same thing every single night. Do not look at me like I’m crazy when I say it.
22. When you run your toothbrush under the water, I always know. Same thing with the soap in the shower.
23. Everything you do cost money, from turning on the hot water to opening the fridge. Conserve.
24. I don’t care if you did it. I didn’t ask. I just told you to clean it up.
25. And once again…if it’s not yours, DON’T TOUCH IT!
