Anderson Hill, near Ninilchik, Alaska… In celebration of our first completed week doing our schooling at home…and after all the kids were finished with their work…we hit the sledding hill down the road. Billy built a jump…and it was all ‘downhill’ from there! Luke…has…no…nerve…endings. He bursts throug the jump… He face plants… And he comes…
A few weeks ago my mother’s wedding ring fell from her finger while she was shopping in town. Now, this is a small town…so there aren’t that many places to look. But my mom lives a half hour from town and only goes in about once a week so she makes it worth her while….
I just found the lunch I was supposed to eat today sitting on my desk between my laptop and the pencil sharpener with two bites gone. Proof…once again…that I don’t stop and think about what I’m doing. I just do. My other half (not better, just other) told me the other day, “You don’t think…
I spent half my teen years suspended over the frame of my daylight basement bedroom window, either sneaking out … or sneaking back in. So when I found my son’s bed empty at four a.m. the other night, I was only surprised by the fact that I’d not caught him before. We’ll not go into…
I’ve spent the past twenty years wishing I was one of those perky, pony-tailed, runner-chicks I see on the side of the road. You know the ones that your steering wheel tugs towards as you pass and you have to fight yourself not to flatten their tiny sweats-clad ass with your bumper? Yah, those chicks. …
One boy turns to the other and says, “Just because you live here, doesn’t mean…” “I live here?” the second boy interrupts, a broad grin spreading across his face. It’s not the first time I’ve witnessed that moment, that dawning of understanding that there is a difference between ‘staying’ somewhere and ‘living’ somewhere….especially in the…
Gotta love that Billy just came in from work at midnight carrying this guy…guess who’s cleaning fish?
When Anthony came to us he was six years old. That very first day we knew we were in for a challenge. But we also knew we were in for quite the vocabulary treat. I’d had him for about six hours when I handed him a cup of soda and he said, “Oh…it just…
This morning I followed a trail of broken, dry, Top Ramen noodles down the hall, across the living room and to the garbage can where the empty plastic wrapper lay crumpled on top of the garbage. Yesterday it was an entire package of Coconut Dream cookies, bought for a trip. Before that, eight granola bars…
Today I laid down 99 cents each for those balsa wood airplanes for my three youngest boys. I don’t know why…an impulse buy at the register. Because, aside from being incredibly flimsy, physically incapable of flight and a total waste of a dollar, they are also the only thing in the world that duct…
It’s a simple story really. A simple story with a big impact. I’ve tried to elaborate it. I’ve tried to embellish it. But in the end, it all comes down to a three minute conversation with a five year old. Here it is. I stared across the room at my oldest child in her bed,…
As I sit here, one Hershey’s Kiss away from a coma, I’d like to express a special thanks to the makers of processed sugar for all you’ve done. I, a faithful servant, nay, slave, to your colossal power, would bow at your greatness if I thought I could get back up. I’d like to thank…
There are few words sweeter to parent’s ears than, “I made this for you!” said through sweet, smiling cheeks. We’ve all gotten them…those precious gifts from our children made with macaroni noodles, paperclips and feathers. Our children’s eyes gleam as they proudly hand us some creation they’ve spent anywhere from six minutes to six hours…
There are few sentences in the world that will stop you dead in your tracks as fast as, “You have a lump.” Like hitting a brick wall. The invincible, indestructible you suddenly feels like a paper airplane in a hail storm…helpless and going down fast. And in those first days of waiting, you examine every…
I’m not saying I’m addicted to my phone, but I once nearly tore my nipple off on the sharp edge of wooden paneling while running towards the jingling fiend. But again, not addicted. Not really. My love goes back to our black rotary dial phone we had when I was young. She sat on a…
This morning during my walk I got the opportunity to be eye level with this guy…and I took it. He didn’t move for a long time. He just watched me as I clicked away. What a great way to start the day!
This afternoon I got to drive an hour south to take my two smallest boys to their basketball game. And by “got” I mean “had” since by three o’clock this afternoon I’d already put more than 100 miles on the van and was barely moving on five hours of sleep and a double dose of…
In honor of my daughter Heather’s 23rd birthday, today’s Scenic Sunday is dedicated to her! August 28, 1988
This week my doctor found a nodule on my thyroid. She sucked some blood from my body, promised test results soon and told me to return in a week. I went in for an earache and pain when I swallowed and came out with far more than I bargained for. On the one hand, I’m…
Because we live in the sticks a trip anywhere takes a while. Most people like to crank up the radio and sing or roll down the windows and listen to the wind. Anything to drown out the kids. I like to stick all three small boys in the seat behind me and then be very…
I have glimpses of memory from my very early childhood of my mother holding a pallet knife and a paint tray. But not long after my birth my mother…for reasons of insanity caused by parenting, no doubt…stopped painting. It was a travesty, as my mother has spent her entire life taking care of my dad…
As time moves quickly, just like our parents warned, most of us spend at least a small portion of time re-evaluating who we are, where we’ve been and what we’re going to do next. As my peers and I circle our fortieth year, preparing to land in our fifth decade, we can’t help but reflect…not…
He called me mommy on his second day in my home. People said, “Oh, how sweet!” Sweet? Not really. Totally emotionally dysfunctional? Definitely. Imagine your own child, ripped from your home for whatever reason…any reason at all…and plopped into someone’s living room. Then given a bed and told they live there now. Now imagine your…
This Week In MY Life I…. Built a floor for our cabin… Enjoyed the Fall view from our property… Made friends with this guy…until his momma came and then we hid in the truck… Rafted the Kenai River with Luke and his class… Dressed my kids for “I Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead Wearing That” day…
My mom and dad…my brothers family…and mine. All together for the first time in about fourteen years… THIS week in my life I…. Gave Billy a razor for his three chin hairs… Watched the kids enjoy the simple things on New Years Eve… Discovered borderline frostbite on Anthony’s cheeks while sledding… Took the kids to…
Fiction Friday, my way of forcing myself to write outside my comfort zone of non-fiction, by backing myself into a corner every Thursday night. Chapter ONE Chapter TWO Chapter THREE Chapter Four By Monday morning, word had gotten around the village and whispers had turned into assumptions which had quickly become pure fact, as is…
It’s just after midnight and if you’d driven by my house a few moments ago, you’d have seen me in my pajamas, blood up to my elbows, chasing a salmon head around the grass in the dark. Even as I sit and type, scales are still attached to my forearms and two bandaids stop the…
I’m Keri Riley, a backwoods mom in Ninilchik, Alaska where I shuttle 8 kids around, fighting off moose, mosquitos and middle age. My husband is an ice road trucker…that’s right, just like the show…and gone from our lives six months of the year, so more often than not I’m edgy, tired, and going it alone….
View of the Old Ninilchik Village Ninilchik, Alaska, at milepost 135 of the Sterling Highway, is a fishing village about 180 mile south of Anchorage along the bluff of the Cook Inlet on the Kenai Peninsula. As Ninilchik is our home now, we’re a little biased…but we think it’s a darn nice place to be. Ninilchik is…
A small brush fire near my home last night brought a trooper to my door saying to prepare for the worst…the wind was taking it our direction…be ready to leave without warning. Warning. Wasn’t that what he just gave us? I went back into the house and gathered the children. “Pack your school backpack with…
In February of this year our family grew by two when Steven and Luke came to live with us. Tomorrow morning, the 19th of December, 2011, we welcome them into our family permanently in the Homer, Alaska courthouse. These guys aren’t complicated kids. They don’t understand the size of the world and they don’t know…
I was thinking about us today. Remembering those years when you had hair and I had a waistline. Back when we sat, feet to feet on the couch, scheming our next adventure late into the night. It was a time when it all seemed doable and barriers were more like speed bumps than impossibilities. When,…
In 2004 I graduated with a 3.89 GPA from one of the highest rated private colleges on the west coast. And I did so, while parenting eight children, six of whom had some kind of special need. My final semester I managed 25 credits at two different colleges, picking up some missing credits at the…
He was fifteen when he came to me. And even on the first day I knew he couldn’t stay. I knew it wasn’t the right fit… he was broken beyond repair and a danger to the other children. I could see it in his eyes…he was ruined. I know that sounds callous…but it’s the reality….
I remember the way her hair smelled when I tucked her in under my arm. How she snuggled so close, trying to crawl back into the womb from which she did not come. I can feel her fragile arms wrapped around mine, her tiny beating heart pulsing against my side as she lay her soft…
In school this year, Billy was assigned to create a video called, “I Am From” that told the story of who he is. Each slide was supposed to start with “I Am From” and there were requirements as to what kinds of pics he had to have. Some modifications were made by his teacher, because…
I lay on top of the pale green sheets on the eighth floor of John C. Lincoln Memorial Hospital and stared out at the night. It was August of 1988 and the thunder raging outside the fourth floor window seemed a warning of things to come. Bolts of fire lit up the black sky with…
Written in February, 2007… Edited in June, 2011, for confidentiality… As I step into the small room I am greeted with the smell of boy. It’s a common smell to mothers. Dirt and candy. The boy’s room is like other eleven year olds; even if he’s not. I plop his clean clothes down on…
I put in a call to a client a few years back to arrange a trip into the village of Good News Bay, Alaska, where I would assess an adoptive situation and write a report for the courts either approving, or denying, the potential adoptive placement. The young woman who answered the phone sought to…
Whenever I tell people from the lower 48 that I live in Alaska, I inevitably hear the same question: “Don’t they pay you to live there?” It’s kind of like saying, “Why the heck would you live in that frozen wasteland? Oh yea…that’s right…they pay you.” They are referring, of course, to the Alaska Permanent…
She felt the pull of death and it was welcome. She lay silent, worn from screaming, her voice unheard as she lay in the shallow box. She saw him coming, smelled him above her before he came into her blurred site. She didn’t curl into herself. She couldn’t. There was a time when her body…
The world is so wide here, I can see clear into yesterday from where I stand. This lake was once, a lifetime ago, home to trappers and homesteaders; those with a spirit adventurous enough to journey the miles of wilderness and settle here, in this pristine land. It’s said they followed the river to its…
Watched Billy’s OCD come out in a snowman… This week in my life I…. Had our first snowfall of the year… Watched my girls dominate the court… Sadly watched Destini’s last volleyball season drift by… Got our cabin weathered in… Wondered why we built it so small… Proved that genetics have nothing to do with…
My daughter, Robin, came to us when she was six years old. We were her tenth family. This year for a school project she created a piece for a website called, “This I Believe”. This is her story, completely unedited. THIS I BELIEVE By Robin Riley Ninilchik Middle School, 7th grade There are kids in…
It’s the little things that get to you. It’s the, “Not Me” that always gets blamed. The Birds and the Bees that needs explained. It’s the cookies hidden beneath the bed. The fifteen millionth book to be read. The science fair project that’s due tomorrow. The hand held out, wanting to borrow. It’s the crusty,…
This morning Anthony asked if any of his birth relatives had been approved for visits…like an uncle or cousin. When I asked why, he said, “I’d kinda like to know my roots.” Roots. By definition the root is the foundation. It is the beginning, the base. It is the fundamental cause or essence of something…the…
This Week In My Life I… Took a nice drive to Anchorage… Saw what every Alaskan knows is the end of summer… Had a fancy lunch with a friend… Enjoyed the mountains, as always… Walked the shores of Kenai Lake… Tried to find a bear along the river… Left my camera lens sitting on…
Tomorrow afternoon our son…will become our son. Legally, at least, though he’s been ours for four years. I’m going to share a few words from a pre-adopt interview. Not to impede on his privacy, but because sometimes we forget that a child has a voice…if only we’d listen. When asked about his birth family: “I…
In August, shortly after we purchased our 40 acres, we acquired a portable band saw mill with the intent of creating our own lumber with which to build our own home. But first…knowing we couldn’t afford to complete a home this year nor did we have time to begin with winter nearing…we decided to build…
This Week In My Life I… Made friends with an owl… Made friends with four moose at once… Looked for, and did not find, a pot of gold… Played in the rain… Was in the right place at the right time… And was stared down…
On July 7, 1988, I found myself traveling across Phoenix, Arizona in an un-air-conditioned 67 Gallaxy with red leather seats sticking to the backs of my thighs. Windows rolled down, pony tail flying in the wind, I looked out at the city rolling by…so far from Alaska, so far from home…and wondered how I’d come…
As parents, we spend our lives trying to be good enough. Trying to keep up. We worry that we’ve failed. We worry that we’ve screwed up our kids to the point of no return because somehow we’ve not been good enough…as parents. But let me explain something. Our children will not remember their childhood the…
This is the first installment of Fiction Friday, my way of forcing myself to write outside my comfort zone of non-fiction, by backing myself into a corner every Thursday night. Read chapter TWO It would be unlikely to find a small town that was not governed, propelled and held captive by gossip. Sherman, Alaska held…
Mya and Shawnta 2004 They sit at the tiny table, the two of them. One across from the other Cutching crayons In pink fingers. Perfect little fingers. The girl on the left is four, the right six. Sized almost the same Almost identical They are sisters in life—if not by blood. The…
This morning I popped Anthony on the butt. I don’t normally spank my kids…gave it up years ago when I started fostering simply because it seemed unfair to spank one kid, and not the other, when they both did the same thing wrong. So I spanked Anthony, one solid whack to the backside. Which is…
I’m not a good gift giver. I show up to parties without a bottle of wine. I send my kids to birthdays with no bag of trinkets. I rarely remember my friends with a card or a gift certificate to their favorite book store. I’m probably snickered about behind my back. Eye rolls likely ensue…
Anthony came up from his bedroom yesterday morning with a “blueprint” in hand he’d stayed up half the night creating. He’s a man with a plan… And by yesterday afternoon he’d put his plan into action at our new property where he intends to build…and live in…his own cabin. He ‘might let Luke and Steven…
“It’s odd,” I said to Destini this morning, “to watch your kids grow up and move on with their lives…I rarely hear from Heather anymore.” “Well,” she said, “I probably won’t call every day when I move out either.” “WHAT?????!!!” “Uhm….I mean….I’m sure I’ll live at home until you die of old age and there…
Alaska, Alaskan, backwoods, photos Jun 042011 If you give a ten year old a camera…expect great things. Here’s what Anthony has been doing with his camera he received for Christmas. Have fun! And the best part…16 seconds of video fame!!!
She stood at the counter, baggy jeans hanging from thin hips, hooded sweatshirt tight across her swollen belly. A tight faced DMV worker on the other side of the counter stared at her. A tiny girl clung to her leg. I took a number, hoisted baby Destini onto my lap and sat in the row…
Welcome to Alaska! I’m so glad you were able to drive all this way in your motor home to enjoy this fabulous state. We love it here and hope you do also. It doesn’t bother me at all to be behind your motor home. Especially when you slow way down so you don’t miss anything. …
I woke this morning to the sound of the clothes dryer flopping a belt around and round. Rolled over. 5:26 a.m. What the….I stuck my head out the bedroom door to find Mya folding laundry on the couch. “It’s five in the frickin’ morning…what the heck are you doing?” “Laundry,” she said, as if it…
A few years ago Dan left his job and stayed home with the kids for five months so I could finish college. We had 8 kids at home. Five of them had some kind of special needs, two severely handicapped, intensive needs. They attended five different schools in two different towns. I was taking 25…
I’ve not had television channels for eight years. I know…weird. So when my friend Jessica, who gained some notoriety a while back as Sarah Palin’s hairdresser, called and said a major network was going to be filming a reality television show in her Beehive Beauty Shop, in Wasilla, Alaska, I’m not gonna lie…my initial reaction…
Tuesday was my 19th year of sending kids off on their “First Day Of School”. And as I slowed down in front of the building and shoved them all out, it dawned on me that I have 9 more years to go. And that doesn’t include college. Or the grandchildren I will likely end up…
I’ve collected much junk over the years. Some of it worth keeping around, some of it only here because I can’t bring myself to drop it in the trash. Once you’ve carried something around with you for thirty years, moving from house to house, state to state, you wonder what the point would be in…
House Rules 1. If it’s not yours…don’t touch it. 2. Remove your shoes at the door. Not directly in front of the door…off to the side. 3. If the bathroom door is locked, knocking repeatedly will not make it open any faster. 4. Do not use “fair” to describe what something is not. It is…
Last year my fifteen year old son, Billy, made me a grandmother. Not in the “Oh, for the love of God, why ME,” way that my parents must have felt when I was knocked up at sixteen…but in the form of a computerized plastic doll assigned him by his health teacher. Three days of simulated…
For those of you who either don’t have kids…have really good kids…or didn’t have any fun when YOU were a kid, “detention” is when you have to stay after school as a punishment. Generally, the kid has to spend an hour in a classroom with a bunch of other rule-breaker kids being stared down by…
My boys play basketball with vigor, ride bikes nonstop and roll in the dirt for fun. But their favorite activity…by far…is the Native Youth Olympics. The programs events are based on the life skills of past generations of Alaska Natives. They simulate their hunting and survival skills and are intended to strengthen and create a…
This afternoon, as Dan woke for his night shift 800 miles away, he received my text that we were taking in a seven year old boy for a few days. “He’s cute,” I said. “I want to keep him.” I like to harass Dan with such statements from afar. I can imagine his hair falling…
Having spent the better part of my 39 years in Alaska, I’ve heard just about all of the questions you can imagine. Before I even start, I’d just like to say, there ARE NO PENGUINS IN ALASKA. There. Whew. Here are some more….I’ve taken MANY pictures to prove em. There ARE wild animals roaming around:…
This time of year in Ninilchik, Alaska, the fishing season is revving up for the summer. The halibut and king salmon charters are beginning to take out clients to try for a big one. The commercial salmon fisheries are readying their boats. Just today my son, Billy, helped put his bosses boat in the water…
As we piled the groceries onto the conveyor I could see in the cashier’s eyes that he wished we’d gone to another line. Seven gallons of milk, ten loaves of bread, six boxes of waffles and two jugs of peanut butter the size of a small Volkswagen…and that was just the beginning. “Is this tax-exempt?”…
We’ve all seen those, “You Know You Are From … If … ” groups around Facebook lately. They are kind of annoying, as you scroll down your page, because most of them are very personalized to the people from that area…and the rest of us couldn’t care less. But the other day I noticed my…
I write these sad stories about my kids…about their survival and their trials. About their successes. And my readers cry out, “Good job, mom!”…or… “Where would they be without you?” And I’ll accept the compliments with one raised eyebrow as I think, “They did it despite my failures half the time…” But I acknowledge my…
Never happier than when he got his very own copy… Last week I noticed some political signs going up along the street in town. Same names, different year. And I said to the husband, “Is there a vote coming up?” “Yes,” he says…next year is the presidential election.” “Really? Already?” I know next to nothing…
Every kid in my house is a constant reader…though four of them have, or have had at some time, a reading disability. They didn’t start out as readers…and it took some effort…but I did it. And it was strategically planned from my very first child. Bedtime in my house is strictly ritualistic. My kids need…
I’ve done it again…found myself shopping for kids online. I don’t mean buying gifts for my current children; I mean actually shopping for kids. It’s true…I’m an adoption website addict. I’ve tried to stop, really I have. My husband has threatened to put a block on our internet to prevent inappropriate searches that include the…
Object in this photo is closer than it appears… I first noticed her in the distance, blending in to the swampy foliage with her thick brown fur. She moved through the forest nearly silent, long legs fluid beneath her, as my dad and I crunched loudly through the mossy undergrowth. We stopped. Figured we’d stand,…
When Destini was six years old, her eye fell out. No, really. Okay, let me back up a bit. It was a Sunday evening and we were in town, parked at McDonalds. It was late, we were getting some food, and then heading home. Destini complained she didn’t feel well. Then she puked in the…
Every father’s worst nightmare happened this morning when Destini walked into the living room, tears brimming, and said, “Daddy, I did something very bad.” Immediately, his thoughts go to the worst. Pregnancy…drugs…pregnancy… are the words that pretty much resonate off the insides of the brain of a parent upon hearing such a sentence. His insides…
There are few things more impulsive than a teenage boy when accompanied by other teenage boys. Put two or more within the same vicinity and their brains shrink to the size of a worm and the little sense of reason they possess as an individual goes right out the window. It’s just a scientific fact….
(Created in 2010, just before our Resurrection Trail hike…) For years my family has masqueraded outdoorsy while trapped in the gear of a penniless waif. Every year we traipse into the local wilderness store and fantasize about how different our adventures would be if only we could afford the fancier garb. Surely it’s more pleasant…
A while back I received a phone call from a teacher for no other reason than to tell me how well my child was doing. Odd. Normally when the caller I.D. pops up with school’s number, I cringe. I consider not answering. Let’s just say, my ringtone for the school is Daniel Powters, “Bad Day”,…
Apparently, children learn via repetition…as demonstrated in this video of Destini at about 2 1/2 years old. Let me start by saying, Destini had an unusually good grasp of language at a very young age. I have video of her using full, complete sentences, at fourteen months old. By two, she was speaking very fluently….
I found my self-worth on a hot May day in 2004 when I crossed the center stage and, holding my head high for perhaps the first time in my thirty-three years, was handed a piece of paper that said I’d finally arrived. And in that half sheet of fancy paper, marked with the seal of…
We’ve all been there… I’ve had friends…who I loved…who I couldn’t imagine my life without. Friends who were dear to me. Friends…best friends…you thought would stick around forever. And then you move. Or they do. Or something happens and life just leads you in opposite directions. You swear to remain close. You call, you write,…
They say a diamond is a girl’s best friend…and that’s true for me…if the diamond comes in the form of a sparkly new diamond blade for my sliding compound miter saw! The diamond, chocolate, and fancy card markets peak every holiday as men and women alike run out to buy their dearest ones something that…
On more than one occasion I’ve wondered just how wise it is to hang out in bear country, eating greasy hotdogs next to a salmon spawning ground. And yet every summer we go back to the same old places, nestle down into the paw print covered sandy bank, and sun ourselves with our backs to…
For more than twenty years I wanted to know how to make log furniture…I’m talking cut the tree down, pack it out of the woods, custom, from scratch kinda log furniture. Not the neatly perfected pieces you find in most furniture stores. I’m talking backwoods…Alaska style. So last summer I did it. Now, mind you, I have…
Backwoods Bread I grew up on homemade bread. It was thick. It was soft. It was healthy. It was probably delicious. And I hated it. So when I became a parent myself I swore to give my children only the best store bought, fluffy white bread. But when I acquired a houseful of children who…
For six months the flu has been hovering over my body like Winnie The Pooh’s black cloud, just waiting to descend when I’m most vulnerable. Two nights ago it hit me like a brick wall colliding with a gnat and within thirty minutes I felt it overtake my body. Splat. (I’m the gnat.) I waited…
Photo courtesy Charles Lampe-Kaktovik, Alaska Yesterday Sandi’s daughter, Kendra, climbed into a twenty foot boat with a group of close friends and family. They pushed into the Arctic Ocean off the shores of Kaktovik/Barter Island…the only permanent settlement in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge on the North Slope of Alaska. They scanned the waters and…
My chiropractor has a chicken nugget sitting on her shelf that is four years old. And it looks like you could dip it in barbecue sauce and chow down. It’s not discolored. It’s not shrunken. It looks exactly like it did four years ago when it came hot out of the magic oil at McDonalds. …
Fiction Friday, my way of forcing myself to write outside my comfort zone of non-fiction, by backing myself into a corner every Thursday night. Chapter Two Heavy steps ran toward Jess as she sputtered snow from her mouth and struggled to remove the small boy from her chest. He had other plans, however, and dug…
When I found a porcupine in my yard a couple of nights ago while videoing the coyotes across the driveway, it never really occurred to me to do anything other than Facebook his picture…because what else would I do…until my friend Cindy suggested I should collect some quills for crafting. And me being a person…
I came across this “letter of apology” today. I have dozens of them from Anthony over the past four years. Whenever he is sent to his room to reflect on his behavior….which is a LOT…he likes to write a note or draw a picture about what happened. On this day, I’m guessing he was busted…
Fiction Friday, my way of forcing myself to write outside my comfort zone of non-fiction, by backing myself into a corner every Thursday night. To read Chapter ONE To read Chapter TWO Chapter Three There’s something good to be said for small towns, but Jess wasn’t sure what it could be. She’d lived in Sherman,…
This week in my life I… Was thankful for lots of nice milling trees… Was thankful that DAN had to limb this one, and not me… Realized that logging is a painful job… Thought, if only we had 50 logs like this…our cabin would be done… Got back into the swing of packing school lunches……